Wednesday, May 31, 2006

ala masterdean

muchas gracias amigo. my favorite one

do it now

Go over here to check out my review of neverchanging dodger food. See the rest of the site too. Kicks ass if you have never check'dit just find where MrT pity's on foo's


Tuesday, May 30, 2006

A subject very important to me

I feel like I need to take matters into my own hands and reveal to the world an atrocity most don't know about. Sometimes one feels strongly enough about something to alert the world and share these horrible things so that we learn from them and make an earnest effort to make sure these events are not repeated.

Alot of talk goes around in the blogoshere about many things but I have to take this time and my (in)significant influence to pull away the wool from peoples eyes' and show them that things can be different. I'm speaking of Kite-ricide. The systematic killing or forced suicide of kites around the world.

I'm fortunate enough to live near a large park where i see many a happy kite soaring high in the sky, happier than fresh baked pies. But recently I have come to recognize unhappy or enslaved kites. More and more I see kites of all origins and nationalities that aren't happy. Most people think that kites are inanimate objects. I ask, "How could they be?" They are definitely not inanimate whilst soaring above providing pleasure to the masses. But I ask you this, how would you feel if you were put away for the majority of the year? How would you feel on windless or rainy days if your potential could never be found or even known?

This brings me to the difficult subject of kite suicide. Most, as I've said, are happy kites appreciated by their owners. Most of these are purebred kites, like acrobatic or high altitude kites, that are given lovely homes with spacious storage and kite aficionados that tend to their needs and repair them when needed. But most kites are needlessly tossed aside, sometimes after a single use. These are the homogenous kites sometimes and can be identified by their markings (ie-Power Rangers, Bratz dollz). These are often peddled like slaves from such slavery institutions like walmart or the summerfront displays at 7-11. They are not given proper attention and are often tossed into dingy garages or balconies where their delicate makeup of plastic spines and cheap vinyl cross sections are subjected to being stacked on or worse yet exposed to the elements that harm it most, sun and rain.

I have personally witnessed this strain placed on kites at city parks where the uncaring flier lets the flimsy string trail too far giving a wayward kite the perfect opportunity to use the next strong draft to snap that cable and soar to an all-too-soon death. Do we blame the kite? Is the kite-esteem too low? How could it be from such lofty heights? I say no, this is in part to the careless untrained flier that cares not to even look for their errant kite long enough to know that they could have followed the string trail to find their possibly (seriously) injured companion.

I myself awoke to the following grisly scene in my own backyard where a kite had made it's last dive into our yard. The disconcerting part was that I don't think the kite died immediately. It had fallen, seriously injuring itself after catching it's string on our television antennae and dived into our concrete and gravel yard. Then, apparently, it dragged itself to our firepit where it wished it's last moments would indicate it's desired burial and subsequent resting place. I myself feel somewhat responsible as we don't even use the antennae anymore thanks to the cable company. Now i warn you the following image has been deemed graphic and may be unsuitable for children, kites or the faint of heart. Discretion is strongly suggested.

here is an additional unidentified corpse:

This brings me to my final point, Kite Homicide. There are those so careless, so
vile, that they would nary blink an eye at an intentional kite dive bomb straight into the ground. I've seen these people occasionally and have to turn away in shock. I read about one serial killer often, and nobody(!) Not a single person or dominant kite stands up to put this monster behind bars! Following one of his latest exploits
where he feigns concern but is merely mocked. I say, this mockery fuels his acts to purport larger, continual and ever more atrocious killings. They're systematic and this heathen must be stopped! Again graphic content to follow.

How this individual could be so brazen AND to include his megalomaniacal psychiatrist as well is beyond me. They must be stopped. They appear to be natural born killers for the world to be ENTERTAINED by?!? They must be stopped. Please help me. If you see this kind of behavior or treatment, please call your local kite authorities immediately.

Monday, May 29, 2006

flat out

one of the shittiest afternoon.evenings i've had in a long time. la river, i've judged you wrong.

Memorial Day

My only sentiment...

We use it as a day off. For those that were given that day off permanently, and for those that served nobly, I thank you and think of you.

America is a great country, with (currently) inept leaders. May she return to peace and glory so that your sons and daughters fight their own battles and not for those in earnest.

Let your service be remembered honorably and you lay restfully and with distinction.

thank you.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Act and The Aftermath-Go Check It


Find the Dick Thompson vids. MillerCam is phly-yes phly. You ask where they are? Why would I tell you that silly rabbit? Oh now you think Bunny? Think again.
There you bastard, I won't Distract you anymore.

Bastardartist: The Act and The Aftermath


This is what I got 37 times going for tix for either Thursday or Friday at the Greek. Same for Radioheads site too but it wasn't as cold and unfeeling as Fucketmaster. Do you even realize how much it's going to cost to get a few tix from a broker? Rat fucking bastards. They should throw us in a gladiator arena ala spartacus I'll be the angry but passive black man with the net and a trident and let us duke it out for tickets. Everysingle fucking time I try to get tickets through that godforsaken site this is how I feel. BAH! I'm telling you, somehow Kenneth Lay is at the top of the sticketoyoumaster corporate ladder. Couldn't the gub'ment just throw in a conviction on him for heading up Dick-etmasters evil ways? I want justice. No I'm not blaming the other 500,000 treefingers that were anxiously awaiting 9:59 to tick over but DAMN! There has to be a better way. If we rejoin the Kyoto treaty will it dissolve this shitass corporation? K I'm done, until i either win tix from that shitty radio station at the end right end of the dial or I pay an exorbitant amount for them.

okay one more. it burns like a bicflicketmaster

Totally forgot about these

Haven't even thought about these with all the regular screening, but they really are bad ass.

Print Gocco

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


I hate seeing the orange liquid concoction at the bottom of urinals, but I hate touching the flush handle. Hmmmmmmm I know there are ways around it, but I'm not one to travel those ways. Maybe I'll just not a toilet...or in a bathroom.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

long weekend

I had to wait until Tuesday to have my most productive day....well for getting work done. I can not speak of the rest of the weekend or Monday, there may be children reading. Let's just say, I loved it. Loved it...

Saturday, there was no penis puppetry. Just a lame party in a cool spot with work for a friend of 'my moma's." * Sleep in heavenly house again.

Sunday I went back to Dodger stadium for an apocryful Dodger/Angel game. I gave my intestines a rest. What the hell did I do Sunday night? I know, but don't remember details. Dammnit.

Monday was just damn good... got some design done with the better half...nuff said. Damn good.

Tuesday was a freakishly productive day. Got up, got some screens ready, did laundry, washed the pooch (desperately needed it), rolled to eastHo for food review and had a surprisingly pleasant meal. Then to the edge of Silverlake for some home viewing, then to ctown for some shirts, then back to hollywood for more shirts, then to encino... for more shirts, then to Home depot for some tape, then to the market for some chili makins, then home for some screening, designing, and writing of aforementioned food reviews. Check over at for the dodger and taco review this week. Photo credit and stomach credit to me. You can see how truly overlyverbose i am. A bit more designing, and now some laundry folding and then bed. I rue going back to work tomorrow and i don't have the shirts for moma*. But thats okay, that just means they'll be all the better when i figure out how to make some bypasses. Some jackass is lighting off pipebombs down the street. Good thing i'm not sleeping. CQ out, muthafukkas.

*- Mdme. of My Atmosphere

Saturday, May 20, 2006

friday jazz and the adventures of colonel colonary

Friday Ms. CamelFleece and I headed over to LA County Museum of Art for some jazz, some freakishly good cheese, olive bread, olives, and some good wine. We sat in the breeze and ate and drank and this cool cat in a wheelchair kept buzzing by us until the 3rd time he rolled by i told him to come and have some cheese. He did, thanked us and went on his merry way. he ventured back and wanted MORE CHEESE! We happily obliged then poured goodman Bob some wine. Turns out he was a pretty cool socialist and rapped with us about all kinds of stuff. His "loser" son was the kid on Battlestar Gallactica! Still a badass mofo if you asked me! I mean he came up against cylons and thats no small feat. We closed down the museum. 5.5 hours sitting outside a nice building (and a nasty one) ain't to bad.

Saturday, a car wash and the freeway series and the first tasting for a review of Dodger stadium food (which i have not had the intestinal fortitude to touch for years but went all out. Angels lost, seats were good, food was, well yet to be digested.

Tonight penis puppetry....seriously. more to follow. don't stay tuned for a while, I have a four day weekend, writing will be sporadic.

Friday, May 19, 2006

I'm all over this

Russian Headstocks, a film of C�dric Klapsich - Internet site

I bust out my flourescent shirt and overalls daily and dance like this

YouTube - Crazy Indian Music Video

Thursday, May 18, 2006



i've had a bubble come out of my urethra. it was in fact air. it made no fart noise but technically it was a male queef.


i had a buddy in grade school that swore on his life that he farted out his urethra...but that was grade school and girls were yucky then...but now i can have big league chew.


but i was able to suck it back in and successfully get the fart out without any skidding


yeah - plus you should take it as a compliment - your idea was way ahead of its time, kinda like when you try and fart but a brownie starts poking out instead and you make an 'oh' face...


oh mines so much better


uh oh...

just doing some errrrrrrrr...research

I was surfin around and noticed that the not so pretty daughter (Josie Davis) from Charles in Charge

is actually pretty hot now.

She was also in about 7-8 episodes of BH90210. Why I care? I don't. Why it matters? It doesn't, she's blond so fuggedabowdit, but pretty eyes.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

another question posed

Sizzlean and i were talkin at the wee crack of dawn this morning and pondered the following:

If a chicken egg were square, would it mean the the chickens' asshole would have to be square? Would evolution make it that way? Does that affect the chicken and the egg coming first debate? Would a human sphincter do it too if feces came out cube shaped? Would you mind? I mean, you probably wouldn't if your bung changed shape.

Sizzlean actually stopped and thought about it for more than a split second!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Random thought from Hiram

another superb weekend

Friday M.J. had me up to the house-sat dwelling and we had a FREAKING MARVELOUS dinner of olive bread with pyrennes cheese, an arugulla salad with baby tomatoes, and a garlic dijon dressing and the best part (no fucking joke) Morningstar Corndogs and a decent pinot griggio. Seriously, the way to a mans heart is through corndogs in his stomach. about 10 minutes of Kentucky Fried Movie and bed. Saturday was a day to get my haircut. After about 355 days of growing the mop that made me look like a blockhead, i had myself shorn. It's wicked short and i had a butt white head, neck and ears. I picked up plenty of booze and some Michelines pita pocket. Freakishly good, i tell ya. Then back up to the dwelling for some quality poolside sittin and drinkin, and swimmin. Sunday home to Ma's to show her some love and play with the pooch. Fixed her computer, gave her gifts, shared some artistic chat, and then back up to the dwelling for more wine and poolside relaxation. I must say i did not want to leave that house. I loved feeding/staring at the koi pond. I named them. there was simon, garfunkel, heracles, and i don't remember the rest off the top of my head but they were purdy. It was a damn fine weekend.

Friday, May 12, 2006

I think i may have his '87 topps card

I'm damn close to wanting my $30 back

Tasty lobstah-back and I went to this show yesterday and well, I just don't know. Seeing the building next to the Santa Monica Pier was pretty cool. It's all shipping containers (that sit on ocean shipping liners) stacked/shifted on each other with a tent like vinyl in the negative spaces and over the roof. We rolled up to a line that was about 250 people deep. Well simply purchasing tickets online I walked right up to will call (2 people) and picked up our tickets and walked in. It's dark and very open with 30 foot ceilings inside the stacked containers and the first half dozen or so images were quite nice but I tell ya, all the images or people and kids with their eyes closed and hands out in some angelic pose, i was just left feeling kinda flat. There were films as well that I just couldn't get into. The claw thought that it was falsely trying to be really spiritual (thus bringing in hoards of spiritual people) and I can see that but we both agreed it was a thin guise of spirituality. I don't question the guys talent, as he is a talented photographer (maybe not the best filmmaker-if he directs the next season of lost I'd off myself). I just question his vision in this particular exhibit. Either way it didn't floor me, didn't touch me, and didn't particularly make me think. My biggest issue is that it had no soul. EVERY single image of people had their eyes closed. How can it have any soul if the peoples eyes were closed. All the animals had their eyes open. Plus the music was a bit overwhelming. Basically it was a really well set up/pretty Thanksgiving dinner that had no flavor. Aight I'm done. You decide for yourself but hurry it's closing Sunday.

ashes and snow

oyie's pic of the week

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I am a three legged racoon with no eyes, bad hearing and a nasty hemmorrhoid

I've been a bad blogger but with good reason.

Friday Ms. Canela came to town and I got to make her vomit!!!

Friday was quick as it was quite late in her world but we still enjoyed some libations and food. Saturday was a trip to the Getty Center as she had to see Museum Mecca, then to westwood village for some diving double double eating at in-n-out, then onto LACMA for some more art viewing. THEN, master vic got tix to the Dodgers game on the field level 3rd base side so they were damn good tix for a 1st game. I will leave out the bit with my lubba lubba, cause i did cause a spat and it WAS in fact my fault. So I hope dear canela didn't mind me getting chewed out on the phone whilst entertaining but i deserved it. But it did end on No-mah hitting a walk off base hit in extra innings so thats a pretty friggin good 1st. Sunday we didn't do much. However, Miss Canela CLEANED OUR WHOLE KITCHEN (may allah not condemn her) Made up some shirts and had a bbq with some of the usual suspects for a late cinco de mayo fest of Carne Asada, que'd corn and other stuff. Alas monday came and I had to work. She got to shop in Santa Monica and meet up with myself and la otra significante and we drank. Mightily. So mightily, well Miss Rose had to relieve some of the pressure. It was a good way to go out considering I pretty much left her to her own devices the next morning in preparation for her flight. She made it by the hair of the dog that bit her. but she came, she conquered and i hope she had fun. i did, immensely.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

This ones for the females

Next Question:

When you [being female] wipe for whichever you gotta do (#1 or #2), what side do you go from the front or the rear. I understand the reach variables of going from front all the way to the back and the back to the front just doesn't seem feasible. But i've talked to a couple different women and it has varied. Most actually go from the front to the rear for the deuce. I'm just curious cause it ends up women don't discuss this either and they get just as surprised with the answers.

now why the hell i'm even curious? fucked if i know.

Hmmmm, heres a question for you?

�It Don�t Work,� Inmate Says During Botched Execution

after you read this, tell me this. could YOU put someone to death. I personally have some strong convictions as to it. I think that if someone close to me was killed and I knew the case well maybe, just maybe i'd consider it but not wanna go through with it. If someone was to hurt immediate family or my kid and i was there to witness. i wouldn't stop until i killed them with my bare hands. If someone was a distant connection to me and their killer was on trial, I don't think i could want it. I just couldn't. I could only want to truly take someones life if i was in a crazed fit from seeing something truly heinous.

This isn't to say i wouldn't beat on someone (like i've never done that, but i like to think i'm more upright now) if they did something pretty heinous. I'd whack a mole if a mole were beating on a woman in front of me.

I just dunno, its touchy but i couldn't take a life or want a life taken unless there was really merit that closely and personally affected me and even then i'd toil over it long and hard over and over.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Peace be with you niggah

One nation in the spirit of truth

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

gotta love the san fernando valley

YouTube - Colbert Report - Brad Sherman

If i ever have a bachelor party, this is the only dancer I want

Bunny the Tap Dancer

Coachella 2006: Lovely emily haines

IGN: Coachella 2006: Metric

Pitchfork: Daily Music News

Monday, May 01, 2006

May 1st, A day with out traffic?

Don't think so. I was thinking traffic would be light today with half of LA's population taking the day off but nooooooooooo. It's whitey thats creating freeway congestion. Shoulda known that it would be the brown man that packs 10 people to a toyota tacoma that actually get to utilize the carpool lane correctly instead of all the hybrids with one person driving. The brown man gets a three day weekend and for a good cause. I wish people would mobilize like this to overthrow bush but alas, that won't happen. Whats really bummin me out is that work was totally okay with people not being here if that was their conviction, but the thing i find more upsetting is that I'm hyper craving a breakfast burrito and they won't be there to make it. (this is probably good, as if you know me, you know my constitution can't handle it at this time). I'm hungry, really hungry and I can't consume much solid food.

This last weekend was Coachella and Mayo ended up going and TEXT'ing me when Metric was on. I don't think she knew that I knew that they already are kick ass, and that the bassist is freaking hot. Thats the only point I was kinda bummed I wasn't there. Hope she had fun.