eating healthy=gas *toilet speak-beware

Veggies and fruit and beans, well they just make ya gotta fart. Fortunately, they don't make em stink, fat and protein and the way your body processes it do. But man I'm having the hardest time holding them in at work. I think my ears have gas. It's gotta work it's way out somehow. My stomach is making the deepest grumbling, gurbling from holding them in. It's just as bad as letting the flatulence free with out the stank connotation. When did society make a normal body function so taboo? I bet it was when fast food *see? theres another one* was invented. Is it only in America? Cause I know there aren't the same restrictions, so to speak in Europe. I gotta say I like it when a woman lets em go. It might remind me of my grandmother that would just let em fly occasionally and just give out a little "ooh" and carry on with her day. It's normal, do it, but if it's gonna stink, make an effort to leave the room. I appreciate it for what it is when i walk through one, but accelerate my step. Hell I might even make a scene. I've been known to drop one, walk away and turn to see people walk through for reactionary response, but I'll do my best to minimize the damage if itwill be horrific. So there, please let me bust the assgas, its starting to hurt.

and as long as I'm on nastiness. how do so many people at my work have to drop the deuce AT WORK?!? every bathroom has air freshener but it stanks. If i have to fart i'm walking by the bathroom. I cannot count the times I've been to the bathroom and somebody isn't going nu-cu-lar in there. They have some messed up station times or eat like hell. I'm as regular as the japanese train system with the occasional crash, but for the love of god, what is in the water here? The jist is, i hate going anywhere near the bathrooms here. I want my private work bathroom back. I miss you bessiebowl.

Aight, i'm done being nasty, atleast for now.