grrrrrrrr, szzzzzzzzznnnkrrzzzt

I'm beat, I couldn't sleep last night. I've been having conversations with someone I thoroughly enjoy, and while I was in mid conversation last night, i got a call coming through from the ex. I don't have any lingering issues over her, though we were very serious (sorry, i'm just not going to share that much detail). I didn't pick it up as I really wasn't sure who it was and didn't want to break from the cal I was on (haven't really talked or seen her in over two years). I took some time then listened to the message that was cordial and then returned the call. Usual niceties, and she asked me what I was doing, and told her I was reading and she asked if I could come over to her brothers house that was really near my house. Not really having an out and not wanting to run away from anything, I said fine. Now I've faced my issues and fears with her and how our relationship ended and it's been moot for some time now, but not knowing what she wanted made me apprehensive. I went over there and spent a couple hours catching up with her, her brother and her sis in law. I was really close with them and they wanted me to keep in touch after we split. I told her I was a bit uncomfortable with keeping in touch and that the likelyhood of that i had to address as i felt a bit awkward with the whole sitch right then. It was okay, I knew I didn't have any feelings for her romantically, and just caught up pretty much but there was some fishing and some eye looks between them that I was catching. I spoke with my sister beforehand and she asked how I felt and I said defensive and she said go with that and maybe it's best to keep that defense up to a certain point. So i did and it served me well. Don't get me wrong it was good to see them to an extent, and their wonderful labrador retrievers that freaked out when they saw me (my favorite kind of dog). But when it came to her sis in law saying she was going to bed, i was done and ready to go. I didn't need to sit there and know why she called to hang out or any other eff'd up thing. I just went cause i couldn't run from it and had to feel like I had really been done with it, and I am. But I spent the rest of the night (i got home at about 1am) and mulled over what it all meant and realized, why? who cares? I did that, and at the end of our conversations they told me to keep in touch or to come over and I said okay you call me too and we'll see who calls first. Just odd that I hear from her now and go see her for a catchup. I don't know what her motives are, don't care, I was happy to get out of there and I'll probably not share another visit anytime soon. There is a reason it ended, I'm glad we can be civil and talk normally, but I question the motives and don't wish to find out what they are. I think all it did was resurface the feelings i had when I knew the relationship was done, not the feelings of loss I had when it was gone.

Either way, I'm more irked that I'm this tired and that I lost sleep over it. I was able to go and do it and be nice and thats it. I'm good, I just want more sleep.