Thursday, November 16, 2006

just don't do it

I was a bit bored last night so i decided to see what was on OnDemand. I decided to check out Bloodrayne which i found out was a prequel to the video game? It had Ben Kingsley, whom I love watching. Michael Madsen (which i sure like in tarantino movies) and the ever present Meatloaf (aka Michael Meatload Aday, aka Bob Bigtits).

The opening credits were pretty good....thats where it ended. The opening scene was odd. It showed a square of people with prostitutes, plauge victims and children alike set in some post medeivel time. Yet every single person including the plague victims had pristinely clean clothing, with no wrinkles or anything to show that they didn't come hot from wardrobe. The accents were there for some and not others,the dialog was terrible, the script was terrible, the editing was terrible, the action was terrible. Even the vampires which it barely told the story of why or how these vampires came to be, were boring and powerless, even though it was stated they can't be around "crosses" (not crucifixes; which possibly may have been the more period appropriate term)they were hangin with them freely. it was just plain bad. Ben Kingsley, when he was in it, had to do little if anything to stretch his acting muscle. In fact I think they might have drugged him cause he really did nothing other than read a couple lines. I'm thinking he got a payday and maybe 10 minutes in makeup and wardrobe just to sit and read (not act a line). The ONLY redeeming factor was NOT michelle rodriguez, but whoever the hell she's dating in the lead, Kristianna Loken who is more of a boob exposing billing candy. She had a sex scene in the movie that was not only out of place but unnecessary albeit better than most skin-emax at about 54 minutes into the movie.

Basically, if you're really bored, and it's free, just start it, fast forward it to the 54 minute mark and watch the next two minutes. Thats it, turn it off after that. the ending blew. I have no idea why it ended where and when it did. Maybe to blow more money on a sequel? Either way. just don't do it.


At 10:00 AM, Blogger cinnamon said...

sorry you suffered through that.

At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Teo :)

"Cross" is the word to use if it is unadorned; "Crucifix" is when it's got our poor tortured pal expiring graphically upon it. Their correct use is contingent only upon these definitions, and not era.

At 1:46 PM, Anonymous sayshuh said...

The Mario Bros. movie with John Leguizamo is an academy award winner compared to that Bloodrayne $hit. I'd rather watch korean drama or the toenail surgery hour with Dr. Kevorkian. Yech...


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