Friday, October 10, 2008

i heard about this thing called a blog

...and i tend to talk alot. just lately not to you.

So it came up today after the stock market dipped well below 9,000. Seriously, in a civilized society this is not supposed to happen. The conspiracist in me thinks that theres a bunch of old rich men drinking mint juleps orchestrating this financial debacle. Think about it. Destabilize world governments, and you'll have rebellion and rebellion and no countries anywhere willing to step in and help. This helps forgive debt and depose leaders. Either way, its a weak argument but something inside me says a monitor somewhere just picked this up and relayed it to a geriatric that cringed...I'm onto you.

However...we discussed the Mad Max scenario today. This would be a total collapse of civilization. It's possible, but it looks like Australia is safe so far. But we gotta watch my brown brother to the south. They're showing signs of destabilization. I mean drugs are pretty popular in an anarchists' world and last i checked there are plenty of heads rollin up on tourist beaches in meh-hee-koh. I think the US would quell any kind of rebellion there pretty quickly but you would see reinforcements coming from central and south america joining with those in bajaUS and potentially cause a serious problem. Not to mention all the canucks that would rally to get hockey back and safe within their borders so then we're fucked.

i digress. back to my original topic of the Mad Max scenario. Think of the things you need. I would like to ask for comments but shit...ain't nobody readin me anymore. what things would you need? what things would you want, and what things would be utterly fucking stupid to take? we listed them at work today...mostly needs. fine art would be strictly egocentric and useless much to my chagrin.

1. Guns, lots of em
2. ammo, lots and lots and lots of em, maybe even more
3. a reliable car, an older one. easy to work on, easy to find parts, easy to slap diamond plating and armor on and still rock your def leppard casettes in.
4. a dog, there will be no alarm companies anymore, you need a constant companion to sleep on, smell like, bite someone thats attacking you, pee in your '78 camaro, and bark when someone you may not like rolls around.
5. water
6. water purifying tablets
7. gas, lots of it and way to hold it, see #8
8. gas tanker that you can fortify
9. quarts, and quarts, and quarts, and quarts of oil, and oil filters (that shit is gonna be hard to find unless you tap Palins backyard; gotta make it to alaska first)
10. a generator
11. boots, quite a few pairs unless you wax a fool in your size
12. socks- any soldier will remind you that they're important
13. cold weather gear- hot weather is easy, cold weather is not
14. food, find a place where you can fortify and grow. get a few male and female chickens, and grow a garden. MUST FORTIFY.
15. batteries, you'll need em for a good while, get em while you can
16. a small boat.
17. a small plane.
18. a woman, or two, ain't nobody callin you a polygamist anymore and you'll be contending with mormons for sure now, and jehovahs, they got the guns you gotta buy. but women will make sure yours and her seed will be passed on until the mess is over and wall street is reopened by neanderthals with mohawks.
19. precious metals, how are you going to buy anything, your atm won't be working anymore for anything other than tooth picking.
20. a fortification, this is important. you need more than one.
21. solar panels - seriously to power all your small electrical goods. I want my ipod in armageddon, seriously it will help me hold onto humanity.
22. books, not many, i'll pick some up on some dusty deserted main st, but again...humanity.
23. boots with spikes on them, seriously, i thought about this one, they would come in very handy to suddenly kick dumbasses in the crotch. plenty of football shoulder pads cause they will deflect quite a bit. that and kevlar but it'll only be good for so long, that shit degrades.
24. a guitar...guilty pleasure
25. a few select baseball cards, just in case civilization comes back i'll have something worth some cash that someone is sentimental about.
26. my millenium falcon...cause frankly bitches, star wars is forever.
27. beauty supplies, trust me, they'll come in handy, rudimentary for sure but the necessities and preferably not electrical.
28. some like minded friends, they'll get picked off if you don't but they'll help.
29. leather, you never know when you'll need it and it's handy.
30. duct tape or some strong tape, and lots of it. it's a good fix it in a pinch.
31. boy scout handbook. seriously theres some useful shit in there if you ignore the homophobic, hitler youth shit. seriously, you need to know how to tie knots and what berries are poisonous. plus i think god will be dead at the point, so don't worry about that shit.
32. my boy scout merit badge scarf, so i can wear it with my mohawk, and football pads and prove that i'm more badass than you.
33. lastly... and maybe most importantly you need a midget, a hockey mask, or some chaka lookin kid with a sharpened steel boomerang. just to be thunderdome accurate. i won't want tina turner by that time...ike either, that fool dead.

see you in australia!


At 5:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

chains and really great pair of oversized sunglasses.


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