i have a growth on my ass, might be my brain

How do I have a spider bit on my arse? It is literally a pain, and itches a little bit. I inspected it (don't ask) and sho'nuff it looks like a spider bite. I can feel it sitting here right now. Now I just need volunteers to suck out the venom. Yeah sure okay, well now that I see you all lining up.

okay so i'm gonna get gross for a minute....


i wash my hands, alot, its a thing so don't ask. But while I was in the work bathroom, someone was in there doing their #2 business and it sounded like instead of wiping, it sounded like they were sanding a piece of oak. I mean, it's not a standard conversation, but culturally how many passes by the landing strip do people need to take(rhetorical ?), it really sounded odd, i mean doesn't the paper get dirty? ugh, I couldn't get out of there fast enough considering it smelled like a cesspool.